Let me see if I remember how to do this...

Finally I've found a little time to blog! It's been forever! The only reason I have the time right now is because all three of my children are in restraints. No, I've not "finally gone off the deep end," we're in the car on the way to AR for the holidays. I've been able to check my email, surf the web, play on my facebook page and now blog. I'm actually enjoying this 16 hour drive we're on! :) There are only so many demands that can be made on you in the car. I'm thinking we may have to sit in the car more often. Can I hire anyone to drive us around while I check email and blog? Any takers?? The pay is good...well, probably not but I'll buy us a round at the Starbucks drive through!

So, updates on the fam since my last blog...

We returned from AR the weekend after Thanksgiving and Nathan left again for more job training in Houston the following Monday. He was gone for two weeks and just returned this past Thursday night late. He was glad to get home. He was surprised to see how much Addison had grown in that two weeks. He is nearly done with his job training now, thank goodness! He will leave in January after we return from AR and will be gone for three weeks to Tulsa again. That will finish up his training and then hopefully he will not have to be gone as often or for as long.

Nathan's mom flew down from AR on the tenth of December to stay with us. She came to help me out with the girls while Nathan was gone so that I could get some things done around the house and get some Christmas shopping done too. It's been so nice having her with us. It's given me a little more freedom, especially in the mornings getting them all ready for school. The girls have enjoyed having her too.

Taylor started back to school after we returned and the transition back into her classroom went really smooth. She picked back up with everything just like she'd never left. She is still enjoying her first grade year. She has an awesome teacher who is so sweet. We celebrated her 7th birthday on the 10th. I can't believe she is 7!! It has gone by way too fast! On her birthday she wanted to go to El Chico for dinner. Since it was her birthday she got to choose where we would go out to eat that night. I was not looking forward to going there as I am still breastfeeding the baby and mexican food could really hurt her tummy if I ate it. But, since it was Taylor's day, I decided I could find something there to eat and would use every ounce of will-power I had to resist the salsa (my favorite!!) since she wanted mexican food. She ordered chicken strips. (CHICKEN STRIPS!!!!!) On Sunday we had her birthday party at the skating rink. (Is it ring or rink? The word rink sounds funny...anyway...) She hugged the wall around the rin(k/g) for about two rounds, maybe, then said she was done with skating. She didn't like it anymore...she played the arcade games and won tickets for some rinky-dink toys instead. She had a good time with her friends regardless, so I guess mission accomplished.

Emma has been a real mess lately. I'm not sure if it's all the adjustments with having a new baby in the house or what. She has been getting into EVERYTHING and has just been really high maintenance. Some days are good, when Taylor is at school, and she will be really sweet and will play and watch tv and be contented. A few days ago I was getting her dressed and decided to try to straighten her hair. I finally got all of her curls straightened and her hair was so long! She thought she was so pretty. She couldn't quit looking at herself in the mirror and flipping it. All day she fluttered around on her tiptoes like having her hair soft and straighted made her float around like a fairy. Her Christmas party at her preschool was this past Friday. She had a good time at that. Her friend Jaden came over that morning to ride with us to school and she kept asking him to come into the bathroom where I was straightening her hair (again) so that "he could see how beautiful it is." He'd come to the door and she'd say "look at my hair, it's straight and so pretty!" He'd say "I see it Emma, I'm going to go play now." That same dialogue occurred about three more times before I was finished with her. Later as I was finishing getting dressed I heard Emma and Jaden talking in Nathan's office...(There is a mounted deer head on the wall in there) Jaden said "Hey Emma, why is there a reindeer on your wall?!!" Emma said, "That's not a reindeer, that's just a deer! ha ha!" Then Jaden says "Well, where's his butt?" Emma said "Ha ha ha!! He doesn't got no butt!" I was cracking up listening to them. They are so cute.

Little Addison is really growing. She was 10 lbs and 23 inches long at her one month checkup several weeks ago. She'd grown 3 lbs and 3 inches in a month! Rightly so, as much as she eats. She's a little piggy! Her cheeks have really filled out now. She's had a little trouble lately when she nurses. The pediatrician says it's reflux and she's now on Zantac for that. I can't tell much of a difference, she's still having some difficulties tolerating my milk, more so at night between 8 pm and 11 pm. During the day and at her 2 am feeding she is better. She has now grown out of her newborn clothing and is in 0-3 months now. :( ...so sad. They grow so fast. I swear she is getting bigger right before my eyes. She has started smiling at us now when we talk to her and also when she sees something familiar, like things hanging on the wall. Last night I thought she was going to laugh out loud at the refrigerator as I stood filling my glass with water. I was a little jealous that I'd never gotten a smile that big before.

Well, I'm beginning to get a little lightheaded staring at this computer screen in the car so I'd better get off before I have to use Addison's burp cloth myself! Hopefully I'll get to post again soon...probably on our way back to FL after Christmas. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Year!

Happy Holidays from the Holland Elves (QUICK! Scroll down and pause the music player below!)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Addison

Here she is! Baby Addison got here on Thursday, October 30th at 12:12 pm. She was 7 lbs. 5 oz. and was 20 in. long. She is a really good baby. She hardly ever cries and is very patient and laid back. (Third child has to be, I guess). Labor & delivery went well. The doctor broke my water at 7:45 and I only had to have one round of pitosin (sp??) So from start to finish it only took her a little more than 4 hours and two pushes to get here! (I was so thankful!!)

Taylor & Emma love her and can't get enough of her. Taylor is a good little "mama" and a big help to me too. Emma is still a little indifferent when it comes to the baby. She will walk by and say "hey baby!" and then go on about her business. She is still very much "all about Emma" and doesn't pay much attention to anything else.

My mom flew in on Wednesday afternoon and stayed with us. She kept my other two girls while we were at the hospital and then helped me out tremendously when we came home. Addison wakes to nurse every two hours around the clock so night time was really rough. Mom and I began taking shifts...I would nurse and then two hours later Mom would give her a bottle and then two hours later, I would nurse again...and that cycle would continue through the night.

Nathan had to leave to go to Tulsa for training with his new job on the Monday after Addison was born. He has to be out there for three weeks straight. It was very hard when we left him at the airport. He and I both were crying.

My aunt Connie flew in on the following Wednesday so that she and my mom could drive back to AR together that weekend. We enjoyed having her at our house so much. The girls had a really good time with her. I think she was quite worn out by the time she left us! She was a big help with them and to me and mom as well.

My family had been begging me to come back to AR with my mom and aunt after they found out that Nathan was not going to be home and I would be by myself with my girls and new baby for that long. I wouldn't hear of it. I just kept telling them that I would be fine...I had lots of friends offering to help me out during the day and bringing meals to us in the evenings. After about three nights of no sleep, I realized that I couldn't keep having nights like that and then be able to get up and function and take care of the girls the next day by myself. So with a little prompting from Aunt Connie I decided that I would come back to AR with them just until Thanksgiving. Nathan will be able to come and to AR for Thanksgiving and we'll drive back to FL together the following weekend.

We got to AR on Saturday afternoon and are enjoying getting to spend time with our family. Nathan is close enough that he can drive here on the weekends to see us so that has been nice. He's not having to go a full three weeks without seeing his girls. I am homeschooling Taylor while we're here. Her teacher and principal were so nice and understanding about me withdrawing Taylor for these next two and half weeks. Her teacher is emailing me her lesson plans and mailing her tests to me so that I can continue working with her on what they're doing in class and she won't be behind when we return.

Got to go...baby is waking up AGAIN! :) Hopefully I'll get to write again soon!

Date Confirmed Today

My OB's nurse called this morning and my induction date and time was confirmed today! I go in at 6:15am (yawwwwn) on Thursday morning the 30th. I went in with Emma at that time when I was induced with her and she was here by 12:20pm-only 6 hours. Or, actually closer to 5 since they had to get me ready and "hook me up" and all that. So I'm HOPING this one will get here even earlier than that; but if not at least by that time! :)

Nathan comes home tomorrow night from his two week trip to Tulsa. As I was talking to him on the phone tonight and spanking the bottoms of two quarrelling, screaming little girls he said in a pitiful voice "Don't worry, I'll give you a day to yourself when I get home." A DAY?! DARN TOOTIN' YOU'LL GIVE ME A DAY! I MAY NOT BE BACK ALL WEEKEND! A day! Humph!!

MEN! Don't even get me started! I'd better just get off of here right now. ;-)
Later...

OUCH!! Will I Ever Get Used to this Huge Belly?

You are NOT going to believe what I did to myself today!! Well, most of you who know me are not going to be surprised, but anyway...
This afternoon, I decided that I needed to sterilize a few bottles, pump, things like that just so they'll be ready if I need them next week when Addison gets here. I am standing there in front of the huge pot of boiling bottles and things, and all of a sudden something in the pot shifted and splashed boiling water out ONTO MY BELLY!! Right in the front beside my now outie belly button! AHHHHH!

I guess I was standing too close, I don't know. It hurt SO BADLY!!! The skin there was already sensitive from being stretched so thin! I have FIVE burn blisters next to my belly button now! F-I-V-E!!!!

It hurt so much for my shirt to touch it that I had to tuck my shirt tail up under my bra to hold it up off of the blisters while I walked around with aloe vera gel smeared all over the front of my belly. Such a pretty sight, I tell ya!

It is SO time for this to be over...it has become a danger to me now! :o

We Have a Date!

Went to my weekly doctor appt today...if I've not gone into labor by next Thursday, the 30th, he will induce me on that day. Or, we're hoping for that day...he can't call to schedule it until this coming Thursday. I told him that I would really like to do it that day but I wasn't opposed to the 31st, Halloween, either. I told him that my aunt was born on Halloween and she turned out to be fairly normal. ;-) I love you Laura!

So I have a light at the end of the 9 month tunnel now. I'm so done with this being pregnant junk! It was fun for a long while but not anymore. I can barely move now and when I do move I have braxton hicks contractions so strong that I can barely breathe, let alone walk! And don't even get me started on the heartburn and reflux! I have to sleep sitting nearly upright every night. ...did I say "sleep?" I mean, doze for a couple of hours between potty, tums and water breaks. If the wives tale about heartburn and a baby's hair is so, this one is going to be born with flowing locks! But I'm sure she'll be like my other two and lose it all within a few weeks and I'll be KY gluing little bows on her bald head. :) Can't wait!!

My girls are so excited...we're counting down the days now...9 days till Nana gets here and 10 days till Addison gets here. I'm anxious to see how Emma is going to react to the new baby. She's been the baby for 3 1/2 years now. I think she'll probably just be indifferent to her. ~Look at her or want to hold her when she feels like it but go on about her "business" most of the time. I think Taylor is going to be really good with her...like her second little mommy. Which I'll have to watch closely...she told me the other day that when the baby wakes up in the mornings, I can just stay in bed and she'll get up and get her out of her crib and take her downstairs and fix her a bottle. Sounds great in theory!

Taylor and Emma have really been looking at my belly a lot lately and rubbing on it as they pass by. One day Emma was singing "She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes..." and she walked by me and put her hands on my belly and kept singing only she sang "She'll be comin' round the belly when she comes!" ha! Tonight, Taylor was getting into the shower and I was handing her the shampoo and she said "Man, Mama, your belly sure is getting fat!" I just stopped and looked at her and she quickly said "I mean, full of baby! Not fat!!" We both just started laughing. I really wish I had been writing down all that they've said to me over the last few months. Of course I've forgotten all the funny or sweet things they've said. I'm pretty sure the "comin' round the belly" thing I won't have trouble remembering.

Emma still thinks that I need to be the "Lady with the Lost Dog" for Halloween. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about...here is a picture of the costume:

Nice, huh?!! I let her look at a newspaper insert of a hundred costumes and this is the one she notices! ~naturally! Like I could actually WALK in those heels!! ;-) Luckily I'll still be in the hospital with Addison on Halloween. I REALLY despise Halloween! Luckily this year, our Wal-Mart didn't put the life-sized dead guy lifting off his head in the front doorway of the store! It was a nightmare last year trying to get Emma through the doors and past him every time I had to go grocery shopping!

Nathan will probably have to do the "trick-or-treating" thing with them this year by himself, unless Mom helps him out. Or, I'm hoping, since they got to go to Boo at the Zoo with the Chiuchiolos and are going to our church's fall festival this Saturday, we can tell them that was their trick or treating time and now we'll pass out candy to those kids who come to our door. In the past years, Taylor has preferred passing out candy here at home rather than going door to door in our neighborhood. One year, when we ran out of candy and I told her we'd have to turn off our porch light and stop, she grabbed her candy bucket and wanted to give out the candy that she'd collected. I let her, AFTER, I picked out all of the chocolate and Nerds, of course!

Well, I need to get off of here...I feel a bedtime snack urge coming on! :) Got to take advantage of those while I still have an excuse! :)

Addison's Nursery

Since I posted pictures on here of Taylor's & Emma's room a while back, I decided I'd better show you Addison's nursery too! She was feeling a little left out... :)

Her bag is all packed and her "coming home" outfit is ready to go! The little dress is a smocked, hand-me-down dress. Either my Granny or my Aunt Donna made it and smocked it. Depending on which of my cousins it was made for, it could be somewhere around 25 years old! It still looks brand new...and there's no telling how many of my cousins have worn it and passed it down!

Read on below for my next post...you got TWO today!!

Ending one chapter, starting another...

An update on Nathan's job...
In my last post, last Friday, I told you that he had received an offer letter from Brunswick (the boat company that he used to work for) and was waiting on Baker Hughes (the Mississippi company) to get back to him about what their thoughts were after hearing about the situation with selling our house. On Monday of this week, he had to have his offer letter signed and faxed into Brunswick by 2:00pm if he was going to accept it and take the job with them.

All morning and afternoon we were waiting to hear from Baker Hughes to see what they had to offer, if anything. Naturally by 1:00pm we were very anxious and poor Nathan was just pacing waiting for the phone to ring. At 1:45 he said, "that's it, I'm faxing this letter in to Brunswick and taking that job. I'm ready for this to be over with!" I said "No, wait just 15 more minutes and fax it in at 2:00 just like you originally planned." He sat back down and we started talking about how Baker Hughes most likely would call back and say something like "We're really sorry but we don't have the resources to do anything for you right now...good luck to you...see ya!"

At 1:50pm, Mike, a VP from Baker Hughes calls! 1:50, I tell you!!! God's not working on the virtue of patience in us or anything!! So Mike tells Nathan how much they respect the way he has handled the situation and that he has shown so much integrity and honesty with them through all of it and that's the reason they want him working for them. (Praise the LORD that He gave Nathan the grace they needed to see in him!) He told him that they will let him continue to live here in FL for as long as he needs to and they will give him a couple of accounts to manage down here. Also, he will still be in charge of the MS, AL and FL panhandle territory as well but he won't be expected to travel up there weekly; he is to fly up there for a few days and travel the area as he sees the need to. No pressure to be up there on a regular basis! (WHAT A BLESSING!)

Nathan was supposed to be in Tulsa this coming Monday to start a two week training course for them. So he asked Mike about that and was wondering what he needed to do to prepare for that training. Mike said to him "You know what, you have a new baby coming in just a few weeks. You don't need to be away from home right now. We're not going to worry about starting your week & two week long trainings in Tulsa and Houston until things settle down at your house. Maybe you can start the trainings in late November." That was the next "hurdle" we were facing...Nathan being gone the entire last two weeks of my pregnancy and then having to leave again a week after bringing the baby home. God took care of it!!

He will have to fly out to Tulsa for just a day or two here in the next couple of weeks but it won't be any big deal...not like the two week trip would have been.

So, he has officially taken the Baker Hughes job. We are so thrilled and relieved to have passed through this little chapter in our life! It has been truly amazing to see God work in our situation from day one! We have been so blessed in the midst of all the turmoil. And we both feel like we've received the best of both worlds so to speak. We were both excited about the possibility of getting to move closer to AR and our families but at the same time we were both really hating to leave everything we have here too. Now, we can stay here longer but we still have the hope that when we're able to sell our house we can move up there to MS.

Nothing is impossible with God. Through all of this, we've learned to stay on our knees in prayer, have faith and trust in Him that everything will work out according to His perfect plan and believe Him. 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.' Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB)

So now, I'm happy to say "The END" to this chapter of postings about Nathan's job. I guess the new chapter starting in a few weeks will be about baby Addison coming and how we all are adjusting-and of course, lots of pictures!! I'm not leaving you hanging between now and then...God-willing I'll still be posting. I'm sure there will be lots to talk about between now and then! ;-)

As you've probably already noticed, I've added a few things to my blog. I just love playing around with things on here! Hope you like the changes and additions! Be sure to see the new "Perspectives of Taylor & Emma" section. I'll be posting things that they say in that column. -this section is liable to take over my entire blog!! -especially when Addison gets here! I'll leave it to your imagination. I guess it could be worse, we could be having a boy! And "boy" would there be lots of dreaded explanations there! ;-) Thank God for small favors! :) No offense to you mothers of boys...you have my utmost respect!!

Another addition to the 30's club...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN!

Today you officially join the 30's club!
Don't fret about feeling old, this is just the beginning and there's nothing you can do about it.
When I turned 30, a good friend told me "You have officially ARRIVED!" Arrived at what, I'm not quite sure yet...arrived at the salon for a gray covering color treatment maybe; arrived at the gym to do extra reps to get take off these 30 years of "baggage" that don't seem to melt off anymore, possibly...or maybe arrived at the plastic surgeons office for a botox injection.

Anyway, your very welcome for the encouragement this morning! ;-) However, being a man, you probably don't need encouragement about your age and you probably don't care that you've aged because aging on males tends to enhance their appearance while doing the exact opposite to most females. So unfair...but this is YOUR DAY, not mine to moan. Hope you have a great birthday today! I love you!

Wow...that's about all I can say to title this post

I hadn't realized that I've not written anything on here since Sept. 10th! A lot has been going on around here in the past few weeks, mostly all pertaining to Nathan's job situation...here we go! :)

Nathan was offered the job in Laurel, Mississippi a couple weeks ago. He has accepted it and is supposed to start on Oct. 13th with trainings. It is a good offer and we were looking forward to being 10 hours closer to our family! Although at the same time we were really heartbroken to leave our friends and church family here. We just wanted God's will in the situation most of all. And at this time, we felt this is what he wanted us to do.

So we started the process of getting our house ready to put on the market. Since 2005, when we moved here and bought our house, the value of our home has decreased by an astronomical amount. You wouldn't believe it if I told you what it appraised for then and what it will sell for now. It's truly mind boggling! We had two different realtors come to visit us last week and both had about the same news for us..."It's not good!" So Nathan spoke with our mortgage holder to discuss with them our options when we sell...also NOT GOOD! They basically told him that he'd have to quit paying his mortgage payment and let the house go into foreclosure or do something similar which also affects your credit and is not good but isn't quite as bad on your history as a foreclosure. So needless to say, we've been just a little stressed about this but at the same time, we've been trusting God that He will work it out for us. We know that He sent this job opportunity to Nathan for a reason and so we were just putting our faith in Him to work out all these other seemingly hopeless details. We've been literally on our knees for a week straight asking Him to help us out with this situation!

"Ask and ye shall receive..."

So far, this catches you up to this past Tuesday. On Tuesday night about 8:00 Nathan got a call from the president of another company with another job offer. Ironically, it's the same company that just laid him off! Dumbfounded? Us too! Brunswick owns Mercury, the engine company that Nathan used to work for but they also own a boat company too that sells boats. The man he spoke with is the president of the boat side of the company. Anyway, he offered Nathan a job, same salary and benefits that he had before and his territory that he would cover is here in Florida. We wouldn't have to sell our house and move.

So we've been asking ourselves and God, is this how He is answering our prayers? By sending Nathan another opportunity that lets us stay in our house longer? -or is it to give Nathan peace about letting the MS people know what's going on with our house and possibly offer options to help in some way. (He now knows that he has another job option if they can't offer him any options...he knows that now he doesn't HAVE to take their job and move so it gives him a little leverage in the situation.)

So, the first thing he did on Wednesday morning was to call the "Brunswick" man back and ask that the offer be sent to him in writing before he calls and tells the MS people anything. They had the offer emailed to him to sign by that afternoon. He called and spoke with the MS people and told them the situation with selling our house. He was worried about calling them and about what they might say. We prayed that they would be understanding about it all. They were very nice about it and told him that they would never ask him to sell his house and move under those conditions. They told him they wanted to talk about it and see what they could come up with for him. Just the answer we were hoping for. Now, he is just waiting to hear back from them to see what they might offer him. We are still praying that God will continue to work in the situation but more than that we are praising Him and thanking Him for what he has done with everything already.

As of right now, we pretty much have our minds made up on staying here and Nathan taking the Brunswick job. Even though job security is much greater with the other company and even though it's a possibility that we may be in this same situation a year from now (no job), considering the economy and it's a recreational industry, at least it will give us time to work on getting out from under this house and hopefully the market will rebound somewhat as well or the government will get something in place to help people out in this situation. But we're still waiting to hear back from MS and we're not closed to that possibility yet.

No matter what happens, we know that God is good and he "works all things to the good of those that love him." We just have to keep praying, believing Him and watching what He does for us. It has been amazing to see Him work over the past few weeks! And how perfect His timing has been...not always what we think is perfect while we're in the middle of it but after coming through it we can fully appreciate it. So that's what is going on with all of that!

Another blessing...on Monday I had my (now weekly) doctor's appointment. Emma went with me. It was an "exam" day (Ugh!!!) so I was a little concerned about what she would do or say since she had to be in the room with me. Luckily, my doctor was talented enough to carry on a complete conversation with her the whole time he was "examining" and I don't think she ever knew what was going on. Or at least she didn't mention it to me. Now, there's no telling what her preschool teachers heard the next day, but as long as I don't know about it, I can still greet them with my dignity in tact. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

While in the doctor's office I told him that I had noticed a significant decrease in the baby's movement the day before and that morning. I had hardly felt her move at all on Sunday. He hooked me to a fetal heart & movement monitor and after 20 minutes he came to check the read out and he said that her heart rate and movement were pretty "flat" (there weren't enough "peaks" on the graph, it was just a straight line) and that he wanted to check it again and if it was not better, he was sending me to the hospital.

Emma in the mean time is letting everyone know that she is "Weady to go home! Wite now, Mama! Take dat sting off of you and wets go home!" All the while laying half way out of her chair and turning her body upside down and around again. I am laying there trying to quiet her down, all the while praying that everything was okay with Addison and planning out in my head what I was going to do with Emma if he did send me to the hospital.

He came to check to print out again and there were more "peaks" on the graph. He said she must have "woken up" now but for me to keep a close eye on it and if she stops moving again, to come back in as soon as I notice it. She seems to be doing better and is moving a little more now. Please say a prayer for her too that she is okay and growing and developing normally.

Whew...you thought you were clicking on here to read some humorous, witty comments about the Holland household! Instead you were bombarded with some heavy "junk"!! ;-) Well, here's something to lighten the mood a little before you go...

Tonight the girls were supposed to be cleaning their room up before they went to bed. You've heard me speak before about Emma's aversion to cleaning up...she's still afflicted! And now, when she and Taylor have to clean up something together, it wears on Taylor's nerves and she starts to act up and whine. By the time they finished, I was yelling and not pleasant at all...to say the least. I had HAD IT with both of them by this point and I can't even remember everything that I swore to take away from them for giving me such a hard time tonight. The last thing I took away was them getting to go to a movie tomorrow night-something they've been looking forward to all week. I told them they'd have to "EARN IT BACK!!" So, I am tucking Emma in her bed, not so gently, kissing her goodnight with a snarl still on my face, and she smiles at me and in a soft sweet voice says "Mama, you ahh so sweet and so nice. I tink you ahh bein so nice tonight." ha! It took all that I had to keep the snarl on my face until I could get out of their room and laugh.

When I've had a night like tonight, I always look forward to going into their room later after they're asleep and pulling the covers up around them and giving them another kiss before going to bed. Sometimes they're so much sweeter when they're sleeping...and quiet...and still...and not whining, not defying...just lying there off in dreamland. It fills my "love tank" back up and I can go to bed peacefully and then get up and do it all again tomorrow.

Hodge-podge of stuff...

Aren't you proud of me? I'm writing again without a month going by! -not that I have anything to say, really or any news of note...so read on with low expectations and you shouldn't be too disappointed. :)

Emma and I are just hanging out here at home today, cleaning mostly. Well, me, not her~she mostly walks in behind me pulling out things I've just cleaned up, getting into things she shouldn't be, needing a snack or juice or a hand wiping her hiney, etc... If you have children, or had children or have been responsible for children, you know full well what I'm talking about.

I received a big surprise yesterday when I opened her backpack from preschool. Inside her folder was a coupon for a "big bear hug" because she had done a great job cleaning up at school that day. Total shocker to us! (Even Taylor's eyes bugged out and mouth hung open when she read it!) ha! Here at home, she is not a good "cleaner-upper", to put it mildly. When asked to clean up her messes her usual response is to fall out onto the floor and whine "I'm tie-ud! I can't pick up all dat stuff! Can you pwease helwp me? Tay-wer, will you do it fo me?" That's where the stuggle usually begins. I tell her to "get up off of that floor right now and get busy!" She rolls around a little more until I have to give her a spat on her leg. Then the whining goes to full blown crying with more whining. The entire process usually lasts an hour or so with several spats or spankings during that time. She'll learn one day just to do it and get it over with quickly rather than going through all of that. (Shhh...don't shoot down my dreams! It's my party, I can 'be dillusional' if I want to.) (I'm just so glad she does it here at home only and not at school or church!)

A lot of times I catch Taylor picking her stuff up for her. Taylor has such a soft spot for her when she's in trouble which can be a good thing, but not when it allows her to be manipulated by her 3 year old sister into doing her jobs for her! I once walked into Emma's room to find her sitting on her bed, tear stained cheeks from the hour of crying and spankings, giving orders to Taylor of where her toys and books were to be put. "Dat one goes over dere, Tay-wer. No, dat doesn't go dere, it goes in dat udder box." And there poor Taylor is cleaning up her room for her! Yes, I know I'm in for it as she gets older! Taylor and I have since had a few talks about her letting Emma manipulate her like that and that it doesn't help Emma for her to clean up her messes for her...she needs to learn to do it herself. "But she won't, Mama, and if I just do it for her she'll be done faster and then we can play." Taylor says. Too sweet for her own good. :)

I do have some good news to share, Nathan has a job interview today. He got a call on Monday from a company that he applied to several weeks ago. He hadn't heard anything from them and had sort of put them on the back burner, so to speak, thinking that they probably weren't going to call. He's had several other things he's been working on since then. Anyway, he is meeting a man this afternoon in Naples (across the state) and having dinner with him tonight. He's excited but a little nervous too. So say a prayer for him today.

I'm reluctant to say this but I know I'm going to get emails from my family and friends back in AR asking where this job is...I know that is one of your main concerns! So, to save my inbox from being overloaded today, here goes...The company is out of Laurel, Mississippi. I'm not sure exactly if that's where his job will be or not though. If I remember right, the job was either there or in Texas but I'm not certain...I may be confusing this one with another one. And to you, my dear Florida family, DO NOT start praying that this is not the right job! Remember, this is our welfare here! :) Yes, Cindy M., I'm talking to you too-don't do it! ha! (For those of you who don't know, Cindy is my friend that I'm helping coordinate MOPS with this year. She is so afraid that I'm going to move away and she'll be left to coordinate MOPS herself...which she is TOTALLY capable of doing quite well!)

To those of you in my Bible study class...I walked Taylor to class today instead of doing the car loop. I can say, totally honestly, that it was mostly because of the traffic in the drop off line rather being afraid to let her walk by herself. -well, I was a little afraid but that wasn't the deciding factor today. For the rest of you, I'll briefly explain: Taylor begs for me to take her through the car loop in the mornings and drop her off so that she can walk by herself to class. The majority of the parents and students do this. All last year she begged me and I wouldn't do it. I am so afraid that she won't make it to class or that something will happen to her on her way. Fears that are probably completely irrational! I like to physically walk her to class and hand her off to her teacher. So this year she has begged again so I have done it twice-AND I found out that sometimes Nathan lets her walk by herself when he takes her...I flipped out on him about that when Taylor "accidentally" let it slip that "Daddy lets me do it." I loudly and psychotically played out all the things that could have happened to her from him not walking her himself to class as he sat there looking at me like I'd lost every lick of sense that the good Lord had given me.

When I let her use the car loop, I worry about her most of the day and am not completely relieved until I see her in the afternoons waiting in the car loop line for me to pick her up. Is there any other mother out there as anal about things like that as I am??! I won't let my kids go anywhere hardly by themselves! Which, with Emma, that's understandable since she's little. I'm trying to ease up a little in that area with Taylor since she is getting older and can do some things by herself. However it is really hard for me to do it. Anyway, in our bible study class we're working on believing God and having faith in Him. Yesterday we talked about being able to take a stand of faith in big things but then not being able to with small things. -smacked me in the face for sure! So I shared with them my little thing (not trusting Him to protect my kids) where my faith is lacking.

Yesterday I did drop her off and tried to be brave about it. But on my way home from bible study, as I pulled onto the street to turn into our subdivision (I have to go by the playground and it's during her recess) I said a little prayer "Lord, if I could just see her out there playing I'd feel so much better." And despite my such little faith, He allowed me to see her among all those other kids. She was standing off to the side of the playground, away from the other kids, with her friend laughing and playing. It was one of those moments were I was overjoyed by that little answered prayer but feeling a little guilty for not having more faith that he had answered my prayer that morning to get her safely to class. I am reassured daily that this is definitely the bible study class that I need to be in right now! :)

Well, Emma and I need to get on with our day and she is begging me to use my computer. -a new skill that she has learned. Quick story about that (well you know me better by now, my stories are usually not quick ones but drawn out sagas of more details than are necessary...see, here I go again!) Anyway, last week when I came home from taking Taylor to her open house at school I found Nathan downstairs watching TV and Emma nowhere around. When asked her whereabouts, Nathan nonchalantly tells me "She's upstairs playing games on your computer." "WHAT?!!", the mother screams. "She can't do that by herself!! She can't even read OR work the mouse without 'clicking' all of her fingers and thus pressing both mouse buttons!" To which I was told to calm down that she in fact CAN work the mouse and on 'Noggin.com' anything you move your mouse over it says aloud for you so she doesn't HAVE to read. I rush upstairs thinking that surely my computer would be no more...would be crashed into the depths unable to be retrieved. There she sits, big as you please, playing a Dora game. I said "Emma, just what do you think you're doing missy?" And in a most haute, grown up way she says, "Pwayin a game on yuh com-poo-tuh. But I'm aw-mos done so you can have it in jus a minute when I'm finished." Speechless, I stand watching her and she is doing it, clicking on the right things.
The next morning I am getting dressed, thinking Emma is downstairs watching TV. I find her on my computer, playing games on Noggin. I have no idea HOW she was able to get to Noggin.com by herself. Of course, I freak out a little and she calmly shows me how she got there by herself. "I jus cwicked on dat widdle stah (the "my favorites" star on Internet explorer-which was already opened up to another web page that I hadn't closed the night before.) and found dee widdle Noggin moose and cwicked on him. Dat's allllll, Mama!" Hmmm...my little Einstein. Yes I know I should be worried, very worried! :)

Have a great day!!
PS-I just received this funny email (pasted below) and thought it quite appropriate to add to this blog:

Kindergarten Son
A Mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe. So she had an idea of how to handle it.She asked a neighbor if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he wouldn't notice her.She said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise, so she agreed.The next school day, the neighbor and her little girl set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor girl he knew. She did this for the whole week.As the two walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally she said to Timmy, 'Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?'Timmy nonchalantly replied, 'Yeah, I know who she is.' The little girl said, 'Well, who is she?''That's just Shirley Goodnest,' Timmy replied,' and her daughter Marcy.''Shirley Goodnest? Who the heck is she and why is she following us? ''Well,' Timmy explained, 'every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life,' so I guess I'll just have to get used to it!'The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift His countenance upon you, and give you peace. May Shirley Goodnest and Marcy be with you today and always.

The Past Three Weeks in a Nut Shell...a Really Big Nut Shell

Hey all! It's been like three weeks since my last post, some of you already know that and I've heard from you about it too. Sorry! Been a little busy around here and when it's not been busy, I've been napping. You understand: third trimester, sleepy, LARGE, uncomfortable, heartburn. When I do find a comfortable spot or position I can't help but fall asleep. Especially if my other two girls are sleeping. I napped today for a while and then later this afternoon, we were on our way home from playing at the park with the girls and I yawned and could've fallen asleep again! It was quiet in the van, the girls were watching a movie and I was sitting very still. That's pretty much all it takes. Stillness, quiet, zzz*snore*zzz.

So, a lot has gone on in these past three weeks. Where do I even start? I guess I could start with Addison. I went for a 3-D ultrasound three weeks ago last Friday. She was 27 weeks. It was really neat except that she wouldn't really cooperate with us. She was turned into my spine and hid most of her face for the entire hour. I had to roll from one side to the other (no easy task at this size) and I had to get up and walk around for a little while to try to get her to turn over for us. She refused. Finally at the end of my hour she turned over to face us but put her hand up in front of her face as if to say "Bye! Leave me alone now, please!" Taylor and Emma enjoyed getting to see her, however Emma got tired of her pretty quickly and was ready to go home. I also got a DVD of the entire hour set to music. It was neat to watch her wiggling and moving as I was feeling it at the same time. One time I felt her stretch from one side of my tummy to the other and when we were watching it, she stretched her head back so far that I thought she was going to lay it onto her back! It was so weird...like she has a double jointed neck! She also kept opening & closing her mouth (drinking, is what the nurse said...sounds pretty gross) and she would stick out her tongue.

Here are a few of the better shots that we got of her. -and of course, the goodbye wave shot.

Profile

Another Profile in 3D (Her hand is up on her chin.)

Waving Goodbye

After leaving the ultrasound clinic, we headed up to Georgia for Nathan to attend a job interview. That job hasn't really worked out. He's had several leads and is waiting on phone screening interviews from a couple of places. He is still working at the Air Force base just about every day. His orders to work there continue through the month of September. We are trying not to be anxious or worried about it. We know that God has a job planned for him and we're just trying to be patient and wait to see what it might be. We've been blessed so far to have the Air Force for income and insurance. Keep praying for him that the right job will come along soon and that God will give him the wisdom and discernment he needs to know it is the right one.

Last week a man that works in the same building as Nathan, someone he has met but doesn't know very well, asked to talk to him. This man told Nathan that he had been on his mind lately, he had been thinking about Nathan's job situation and had prayed for him. He said that he woke up thinking about Nathan and felt God saying to him that he needed to tell Nathan not to be worried about the job search so much but rather be thanking him for his future job because it is already in the works. As this man was telling Nathan this, he also told him that it was the weirdest feeling that he had and that it made his hair stand on end. I think Nathan was pretty much speechless but thanked him for telling him that and told him that he would start thanking God for his future job instead of praying so hard for something to come up and thinking/worrying so much about it.

Mom and Dad drove down and got here on Thursday of the next week. They brought Nathan an extra vehicle that they had for him to drive. We were so thankful for that. He had been fortunate to have found a buddy that lives close to us who also works at the base and he offered him a ride to the base everyday. But he still needed a vehicle of his own to drive. We enjoyed having them here for the weekend. Of course, the weekend went by way too fast and none of us were ready for them to leave.

(Pictures of Nana with the girls...BEFORE the weeping and wailing started...the day they flew back home.)

Last year about this time, Taylor had begged to get her ears pierced. I finally gave in and one Saturday we went to the mall, stood in line to have them done and then just before it was her turn, I backed out. I just couldn't do it! I kept looking at her little baby ear lobes and I couldn't bring myself to put holes in them. Of course, she was furious with me. I told her that maybe when her Nana came back for a visit, she could take her and have it done. Wouldn't you know it, one of the first things out of her mouth when Nana got here was "Hey, now that you're here, you can take me to get my ears peered!" (That's not a typo...she can not remember 'pierced' so she says peered.) I was floored that she remembered that! We'd not talked about it in months! So on Saturday, Nana, the girls and I all went 'back to school' shopping. Taylor needed a few things to start school, which included earrings. I tried to pretend that it wasn't going to happen the whole day as we shopped. I even forgot to bring my camera...something I was kicking myself for later, being that it would've made THE cutest scrapbook page ever! I didn't even have my cell phone to use to take pictures. So you'll just have to imagine the scene in your head as I describe it. We went to the Merle Norman store in the mall and I told the lady at the counter that we'd like to have Taylor's ears pierced. -I added an "I think" to my request and apparently by the sick look on my face she could see my apprehension. So she began talking to me about it, asking me after every few sentences, "Now, Mom, are you sure you're okay?" I'm sure Taylor was about to go into fits waiting and hearing her ask me if I was sure...she knew that I was NOT for sure but rather conned into this by a six year old. Finally she began talking to Taylor, explaining the "Very Important Responsibilities" that go with having your ears pierced and taking care of them. She spent what seemed like an eternity stressing the importance to her of caring for her ears and not touching them without washing her hands first. FINALLY, the moment came. Both women readied themselves on either side of her, Nana stood in front of her holding her hands as I watched hesitantly over Nana's shoulder. They were almost ready when I noticed Taylor's face turned from flushed to ghostly white. She asked nervously "Are you about to do it?" They told her not yet, they were just lining up their guns and they'd let her know when they were going to do it. One more second and they gave the warning and 'click' it was done. It's a good thing they did it fast, because I felt sure Taylor would have passed out had she waited any longer. One of the guns got hung in one ear, the back of the earring wasn't going on right. That scared her a little so she started to tear up but just as fast as she did, the lady got it off and they immediately began pouring cleaning solution onto her ears to soothe the heat. All in all, it was a good experience. I didn't cry, though I wanted to. I actually liked the way they looked in her ears. I didn't feel like they made her look too grown up as had been my initial fear. They're cute. She has done a great job caring for them. Just about every night and morning, she reminds me that we need to "doctor" them and she brings the solution and cotton balls to me. It's really not been as big of an effort as I had feared. Here is a picture of her new earrings. This is also the picture I took of her on her first day of 1st grade. (sob...sob...) So, the next event would be Taylor's first day of first grade. She was so nervous the night before. More nervous this year than even last year. I think it was mostly because she knew that none of her classmates from last year were in her class this year. She has a whole new group of friends to make this year. She woke me up that Monday morning at 4 am saying she couldn't sleep because she was worried about school. This made it so much harder on me leaving her this year than last year. I gave lots of assurances and hugs and she did fine. Her teacher this year is very sweet and loving so that helped too. Here are a few more pictures of her on her first morning.

Saying Hello to her teacher, Mrs. Majoy, and getting a hug

Sitting at her desk, ready for the day. (Probably wishing Mom would STOP with the camera!)

That was on Monday...this was Tuesday:

This would be our driveway and street out in front of our house (I am taking this photo from inside of the garage, as it was still pouring out. You can see how close the water was to coming in our garage!) Tropical Storm Fay...just a rinky dink tropical storm, not even a full blown hurricane dropped in for a visit and decided to sit and stay for a while...dumping 20+ inches of rain on us in a matter of a couple of days. School was canceled that day and remained closed for the rest of the week. We were not able to leave our house until Friday afternoon because the water was so deep in the streets of our neighborhood, it would've flooded our vehicle. You can only imagine how nuts we all four were by Friday! Just after noon, Nathan ventured out and down the street to wade in and see if he thought we could get out. He came back with the good news that we could and then said "I think I'll run up to McDonald's and get us some lunch." I said "OHHH, no! You're NOT going alone! GIRLS! GET IN THE CAR WE'RE GETTIN' OUT OF HERE!" I've never seen them get in that car and buckled so fast...utterly delighted to be getting out of the house. Emma had started in on Wednesday saying (whining) "Mama, can't we pweese jus go some-wayah?!" It was miserable. But, it could've been so much worse. When the rains finally stopped and the water began receding we felt so fortunate and blessed not to have gotten any water in our house. Many of our neighbor's homes were flooded. The amount of water was just unreal. I've never seen or experienced anything like it. We had FISH!! swimming in our driveway! Here are just a couple more pictures that I took of our front yard.

Nathan carried all of the furniture that he could upstairs and the rest we stacked on paint cans from the garage and we put our stuff in plastic bins so that if the water came in it wouldn't damage it. By this time we were beginning to panic. It was still raining and the weather reports said it wasn't stopping any time soon. Luckily, they were wrong and it did stop not long after we'd gotten everything as secure as we could get it.

So this past week, Taylor had her second first day of school and Emma got to start preschool as well. Things are finally back to normal and the water is all gone. We're beginning to get settled into our routine now. The girls are both loving school and were excited to get started back.

Emma's first day of preschool.

MOPS is getting ready to start up for me as well. I'm really excited about this year...my friend Cindy and I are the coordinators this year (scary that someone entrusted that to us! ha!) We had our steering committee retreat Friday night at our mentor mom's house. We had a lot of fun. Our group of moms who will be planning and running our meetings with us are wonderful and our mentor mom is just the greatest! Most of them are new and didn't know one another very well but they all hit it off at the retreat and everyone seemed to have a really good time getting to know one another. We barely got through everything we needed to do because of the conversations going on and new friendships being made. It's going to be a lot of fun this year.

I started attending a new bible study on Tuesday mornings. It's a "Beth Moore" study...I just LOVE her studies! I am nearly finished with the first week and it is so good! I always learn so much from her. This study is about faith and believing God, not just believing in Him. Very appropriate for me right now considering all that is going on in my little world.

I go back to the doctor on Tuesday for a check up on little Addison. I started my "every two weeks" visits now. I have about 10 weeks left until my due date. At my last appointment I discussed with my doc about inducing me. I really, really, REALLY need for mom to be here with me when she comes. Because of her work schedule, my due date is not a good time of the month for her to take off and be here for a week. So I asked my doctor about inducing me a week early. He was fine with it as long as everything is going well at my 36 week exam. Everything is going well so far. I've been eating Tums like candy every day and night. I have heartburn and reflux so badly right now! She is really active too and I've never felt kicks and pushes so strongly before. She is a little hoss! When she pushes, kicks or turns it nearly takes my breath away because it is so hard and strong. And you can see my tummy shift and jerk. Nathan is just amazed when I lay down at night and he can see my tummy jerking from side to side or see a round lump bulge out on one side. Lately she's had a sharp extremity poking the top of tummy. Today in church I kept having to put my hand on top of my tummy and push her down and little because it hurts. It feels like a heel, knee or elbow steadily poking me. You can feel the sharp little round curve of whatever it is. I'm trying to enjoy all the movements and kicks and just savor every moment since this will be (WILL BE, I SAY!) the last baby I have.

Well, it's nearly midnight and I can't believe I've stayed awake this long! Hope you have a great holiday tomorrow! Pray for those people in the path of Hurricane Gustav and also pray that Tropical Storm Hanna will stay away from us.

Hardships and Blessings: Remembering Whose in Control

Whew...what a week! I'm glad it's almost over. It's been a pretty tough week here at our house this week. Our faith has definitely been tested. God has shown us that he alone is in control. That can be a tough concept IF you're a controlling type of person. Which, you know, I'm not! Hold on...got to dodge that lightning bolt! Ahhh!

On Monday morning, our world as we know it was turned upside down. ...and shaken a little bit! Nathan got a call from his boss that morning about 8:30 and he was here in Melbourne and asked for him to come meet him. Nathan's company has been making cut backs and has laid off quite a few people but through all of it neither Nathan nor his boss ever had any concern for his job. All that Nathan has ever heard from them is how well he's doing and how they want to promote him to their home office within the next year or so. But, that's what his boss needed to meet with him about. He had been laid off as well. By 10:30 that morning, everything was gone...his job, his vehicle, cell phone and computer. All gone.

As you can imagine, I was in pieces. Not the best way to be when your husband has just lost so much that he loved all within a couple of hours. Before he even left that morning to go and meet his boss, he was reassuring me that all would be fine and that even though he no longer had a job, God has always taken care of us and he would see us through this as well...for me not to be worried or upset...he wasn't. Easier said than done...as I sat there nearly 6 months pregnant and knowing that being without a job means being without insurance as well. I felt so lost, I can't imagine how Nathan was feeling at that time.

After spending the first three days of this week crying and being bitter, things are better now. Or at least for today. I am finding that we have to take it one day at a time and spend a lot of time praying for God's peace and guidance. God has already shown us in so many little ways this week that he is in control and is taking care of us better than we could even imagine.

Nathan is still in the Air Force Reserves and is able to fall back on that for a while. That was our first major prayer...that he could be put on orders for a couple of months which means that he will be able to work out there every day like a full time job. These orders have to be approved and they don't always go through depending upon a lot of things. That prayer was quickly answered and his orders have gone through. We only have one vehicle now and I'm not sure how that is going to work out but I'm not worried about it as I know we'll figure it out as we go. With him working there we initially thought that he'd be taking about a $1000 a month pay cut. We were okay with that (we HAD to be) knowing that we could make a lot of cut backs here at home to try to make up for it. BUT, another blessing, he found out that he'll actually make a little more working there than he did when he was working for Mercury.

Another thing we had to pray about was our insurance. Mercury offered him a severance package which was 6 weeks of pay and insurance coverage. After that 6 weeks, we have the option to use Cobra insurance which will keep our current coverage on medical only, not dental or vision. The downfall is that it costs nearly $1000 a month. But, we figured it's better to have it than to not. However, God had another blessing waiting for us in this area as well. We found out that we can get on the Military's insurance plan which will cost us a little over $200 a month and we'll have full coverage for our family. Also, they will take me with my "pre-existing condition" (sounds like I'm handicapped or something the way they put it!) and will pay 100% of my prenatal care and delivery. By the end of my prenatal care, delivery and hospital stay, I will have paid somewhere around $250 total for EVERYTHING!! Amazing!! This insurance is so much better than what we already have! We had one small hurdle to jump to get our family on this plan...Emma's birth certificate. I guess I never ordered one from the hospital when I had her. So I got online and ordered it but they said it would take 7-10 days to process and then they'd overnight ship it to us. Well, to get on the plan by Aug. 1st, we needed the certificate sooner. But we didn't worry we decided we'd just keep the insurance we have that is continuing under the severance pkg. and then switch over in Sept. We would have to be out a little more $ than we would if we could switch but it wasn't a big deal. I ordered her certificate on Thursday. Friday afternoon, the FedEx man came with her birth certificate. I was shocked! I don't know why...after all the other small miracles and blessings I should've expected it.

Through this whole week of me falling apart here and there, Nathan has been strong and optimistic. Every day I have 'jokingly' asked "Nathan, where are you gonna work? Nathan, where are we gonna live? Nathan, what's gonna happen?" -all in one breath. ha! It has been our comic relief when we start to get stressed out. We just laugh and laugh. -Yeah, I think we're going a little psycho! Once when I said it, he came back with "I was thinking...YOU go to work and I'LL stay home!" I REALLY laughed at that one!! Loudly and obnoxiously...I think he got the point. ha!

Our phone has been ringing off the hook every day! Nathan's boat companies that he took care of have been calling offering their condolences and letting him know how much they liked him and are going to miss him. They've been just as shocked as he was. Several of them were so upset that they called his bosses at Mercury to tell them what a mistake they've made...that Nathan was the best rep. they'd ever had and that their loyalties were no longer with Mercury any more. Of course, I was like "YES! Tell them about it! Drop them like they dropped us! See how THEY like it!!" (Yes, I know I'm so wrong! Bitterness and anger can get the best of me sometimes, you know.) But Nathan has been the opposite. He has been encouraging his customers to stick it out and see what happens. SO not what I would be doing probably. He is handling everything with such grace. It's really something. He has had the opportunity to witness to several people when they call outraged and wanting to know how he is handling such a terrible thing and wondering what he's going to do. He has been able to tell them how he trusts in God and knows that he is going to be taken care of and how he can have faith and not be anxious about it but excited about what God has in store for him now.

Well...I have to get off of here now. My family is waiting on me to get dressed to go to the beach and they're getting really impatient! Wonder where they get that from??? We're getting out of the house to play for a little while today.

Please pray for us that whatever God has in store for us, we'll be able to see His plan clearly and will make the right decisions. We appreciate your prayers and encouragement so much! Hope you have a great weekend!!!

Pictures you requested...

As you requested in your comments and emails, here are a few pictures of the van that I copied from the internet... I had to put one on here of the "back-up camera" that is in the rear view mirror. Isn't that cool?!! See, vans are cool...vans are cool...vans are cool...vans are...whoops, sorry. The last picture of the dash board is like ours except we don't have the navigation system and ours is dark gray instead of tan.

Never Say Never

If there is one thing I should have learned by now it's to NEVER say never! In my "earlier" years, (I'm refusing to use the word "younger" as I am holding tight to that description of myself...especially in lieu of the events this year has bombarded me with...explain later...) I used the phrase loosely about a lot of things. Such as,

~"I will NEVER move farther away than an hour or so from my parents." I can remember my high school English teacher asking our class just days before graduation to raise our hands if we planned to return to our home town to live after graduating college. My hand flew up as if that was the craziest question ever. Pfff! (that's the sound I made when asked that question and the sound I made just now thinking of how far off my plans were to where I'm actually at now.) It's in thinking of things like this that we can appreciate God's sovereignty! If he'd revealed to me that day where I would be today and everything that has happened in between, they'd still be scraping me up off of that classroom floor! -probably as I fearfully and frantically clung to the legs of my desk.

~"My kid will NEVER throw fits like that! That mom needs to get control." Oh my! My sincerest apologies and regrets for ever judging another mother's parenting. Sometimes, for no apparent reason at all (or simply upon hearing the word "no"), these little people go nuts and start convulsing and screaming to make sure everyone around you knows how terrible you are. They have minds and ideas of their own that do not work as rationally as yours -sometimes-does!

~"I will NEVER use candy or sweets as a bribe to make my children behave in public." Mmm hmmm...I don't call it bribery any more, I call it supporting my local dentist and his family. Helping out my "neighbor"; that's IS the Christian thing to do, you know.

~"I will NEVER go out in public without my makeup on and my hair fixed. Not even to the grocery store or post office." Since I now live in a town with more than a few thousand people, I can reassure myself that whoever I see in those places, I will probably never see again and if I do they certainly won't remember seeing me in that state. I also tell myself that if I do see a friend or acquaintance while I'm in that state, it will only make them feel better about themselves, seeing how hideous I look without makeup and knowing that I am a real person too who doesn't have it all together all the time. -or at all! :) Even though I am probably being delusional in thinking that they ever saw me as "together" in the first place!

~"I will NEVER feel old or depressed about a birthday. Because I'll always look young and feel young and energetic and will never have gray hair, stretch marks, wrinkles or any other cosmetic flaw that would make me feel as if I look older." Is the vanity of my youth showing? Yes, and so is my gray hair, crow's feet, frown lines, stretch marks and who's jiggly arms and thighs are these anyway? NOT MINE! Good bye fantasy world, hello my actuality! Again, praise the Lord we don't know what the future holds for us. :)

~(This "never" belongs to Nathan and certainly warrants adding to this list considering our present situation. This is something I didn't actually say never to but accepted due to his persistence on the subject.) "We will NEVER have more than two children! EVER! Can you imagine adding another child to this household?! NO WAY! We'd have to be CRAZY to have three kids!" Well, crazy is as crazy does, as the saying goes. ...or is it 'stupid is as stupid does'? hmmm... And as you know we ARE adding a third child in the early fall. Once again, our "I will never" has turned into "Alrighty then!" Nathan took the news of our surprise new addition much better than I did, shockingly. I'd been fully prepared to administer CPR and talk him down from a worrisome rage when I broke the news to him. Oddly enough, it was I who needed the aid. He reminded me again of God's sovereignty and knowledge of what is best for us. And now, we can hardly wait till our Addison Kate gets here in early November!

My list of 'nevers' could go on and on but I won't do that to you as you're opinion of me has probably already been altered from what it once was. But I have to deliver one last 'never':

~"I will NEVER own a mini-van. Not that they are not great for those families who need them but I just don't like them for myself." Shamefully I say this: I believe I've said to my mother more than once when she suggested a mini van for us "I'm not old enough to drive a Mom Wagon!" I can hear you now, those out there who drive a mini van..."Whhhell! The nerve of her!" I know, I know, I hear ya, and again, my sincerest apologies for such thinking on my part. My mouth has been slapped shut and my vain pride has been squashed. I am now the PROUD owner of a mini van!
And I say 'proud' with all honesty. I absolutely LOVE it. I've had it for three days now and every day I'm coming up with some little errand that we MUST run just so I can drive it. I don't need to tell you how ecstatic my children are about it. They think it's the best thing EVER! And so do I. Taylor told me "This van is WAY cooler than our old car!" Boy, do perspectives change with age. It has a DVD player for them with headphones so when we get in the car and start down the road, there is PEACE! Ahhhh! Silence, except for the occasional little giggle which is a very much welcomed sound. I was reluctant at first, I'll admit, when we started looking at vans. Nathan was sold on them from the start. I knew that I was going to have to get something bigger since our family is growing but a mini van was not it! And even as we test drove, negotiated price, and finally drove out of the parking lot in our new ride, I still had an aching in my heart for my sporty little car. As I drove out of the dealership parking lot in my new van, I looked at my sad, rejected little car sitting there and said with a tear, "goodbye my youth." Oops, did I say that out loud? Apparently I had as Nathan was giving me look something akin to "oh, please!" and Taylor says "Mama, you had youth? Was that like when you were in high school?" "Yes, honey, I guess it was."

So, I'm coming to the conclusion that maybe vanity is something God wants out of me, now. Ya think?! "And THIS my dear, is the year I'm going to beat it out of you if I have to" said God. Just now, I looked up the word 'vanity' in the Encarta Dictionary and the first definition given is "excessive pride, especially in personal appearance". Uhh! That's not ME! Well, not EXCESSIVE!! humph! Welllll......maybe it is me.

This year, first month of this year to be exact, I turned thirty with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. It was as if I was killing over in the next day or so, the way I acted about it. And it wasn't that I felt old, it was just having to say that number...no more a youthful, preppy answer of "I'm twenty-whatever!" Was I being vain about my age? Check!

Next came the news in March that I would be having another baby. No more just the four of us, now we are becoming a brood. I don't think I was prideful about only having two children. However, looking at having three did change the image I held of myself, I'll admit. At first when I thought of me taking care of three kids, I saw myself looking run down, messy haired, and baggy eyed, wearing lounge pants and an over-sized dirty t-shirt every day and literally falling apart. Not a pretty picture. I know, I've seen it before in my bathroom mirror on my less than graceful days. Prideful about my image? Check!

And lastly, I now drive a mini van. Something I always thought was fine for older women who had lots of kids and needed it but not for me. Remember, "I'm not OLD enough to drive a van." (Sorry, I just poured salt into that wound, didn't I?) Even on the days when I did look like that run down, frumpy mom, you couldn't tell in my black car with tinted windows! My image was given by the exterior of my car, not what was actually driving the car. Again, more vanity? Check!

Well, I've shared more than I should have about my character flaws and personal thoughts. You probably think I'm a terrible person. And while I have made light of myself being a vain person, it is not something I'm proud of. While all brutally true, it was shared in the hope of amusing you. And making you realize you're a much better person than you thought you were! -kidding! Saying all this 'out loud' has helped me to see how ridiculous I can be about things. I think through writing all this, I'm beginning to gain a new perspective about a few of the things I've been prideful about and I'm okay with letting it go.

There is a song that keeps playing over and over in my mind as I've been writing this. It's an old song typically sung by children. The chorus goes like this: "He's still working on me. To make me what I ought to be. It took Him just a week to make the moon and the stars, the sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars. How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.!" How true that is and how grateful I am for His love and patience with me!

If you know that song, you're going to be singing it in your head for the rest of the day!!! ~you're welcome! :)